The Tiny Ways We Betray Ourselves

This is definitely not what I was planning to write about today.
But I had a conversation with a dear friend a few minutes ago, and I saw such a pattern.
Something that used to describe my everyday life.
And now I was hearing the same thing from her.

“I have to do this...”

The time to actually do the thing she wasn’t happy about hadn’t even arrived yet, and she was already feeling the tightness.
The dread.
The ughhh.
That feeling we all know.

And I asked myself, why is she doing that to herself?
And I just sent her love, because I understand.

When We Are Used to Pleasing Everyone

When we are so used to pleasing everyone, or at least the people we love the most, we end up betraying ourselves in tiny little ways.

And when we keep doing it, we are telling our body and our mind that we don’t matter.
That what we want has no value.
That it is okay for other people to choose themselves before choosing us.

I know this sounds dramatic, but hear me out.

Do this for decades.
Not in big obvious ways.
In small amounts.
Tiny decisions.
Little yeses when your whole body is saying no.

And then stop for a minute and look around.

I am sure you can already see where this is reflecting in your life.
The things you complain about.
The way people treat you.
The promises you keep making to yourself, “this time I will do it.”
The time you wish you had, but somehow never do.
The way people assume you are available without even asking.

Do you see where I am going?

I Am Not Bitter. I Choose Myself.

It took me years to change this.
And I am sure more than one friend, family member, or person around me has probably thought, “Wow, she is bitter now.”
But I am not bitter.
I choose myself.
There is a difference.

I stopped making up excuses for why I can’t do things, because the truth is, most of the time I could.

I just don’t want to.

And that is allowed.
I don’t want to do it.
I don’t want to go.
I don’t want to say yes.
I don’t want to keep abandoning myself just so someone else feels comfortable.

Because setting boundaries is a form of self-love.

And for the longest time, I believed I didn’t love myself enough to do that.
So I am not doing it anymore.

I Still Do Things I Don’t Feel Like Doing

And listen, I still “have to” do things that maybe I don’t feel like doing.

I still get up at 5 a.m. on school days.
I still cook when I am tired.
I still show up for my family.
I still do the things that matter.

You get the point.

But now I proudly choose what my “haves” are.
I stopped letting other people decide them for me.

And honestly, most of the time, it is not even other people deciding.
It is us.
Us being afraid of what they will say.
What they will think.
How they will react.
If they will be disappointed.
If they will think we changed.
If they will think we are selfish.

But are we taking the time to listen to what our body has to say?

What we feel?
What we choose?
What we prefer?

Maybe This Is What Peace Feels Like

Maybe being in my 50s has something to do with it.
Actually, there is no maybe here.
There is science behind this too, especially when it comes to hormones and what changes during menopause.

But whatever the reason, I stopped caring so much about what people think of me.
And maybe that is why I found peace.

My days feel smoother.
My life feels lighter.
I live with more ease.

Not because everything is perfect.
But because I am no longer constantly fighting myself.

I am happy choosing what actually brings me joy.
I am happy being available for the things that matter.

And let me be clear, I am 100% available when someone truly needs me.
That is not what this is about.
This is about those things that make your body contract just by thinking about them.

Those things you say yes to, but your stomach already knows the truth.
Those moments when your mouth says, “Sure, no problem,” and your whole body whispers,
“Why are we doing this again?”

So Let Me Ask You This

Are you a people pleaser?
Or do you respect yourself enough to know when saying no is enough?
No overexplaining.
No excuses.
No little lies to make the other person feel better.
Just no.

Because sometimes, that is the most loving answer you can give yourself.

With so much love, always...

GABY